2008 Olympic Trials
Dad, Sue, Ethan, Drew and Camille
Dad is living his worst nightmare! He and Sue spoke many times about if Dad were ever being kept alive by a machine to just let him go. Some of you may be thinking that very same thing right now. It's easy to say when you are speaking hypothetically, but what about in reality? It's also easy to say when your mind is not intact and you're in a vegetative state. But Dad is very much there! Can you imagine laying in a hospital bed trapped in your own body with nothing but your eyes to communicate? No control over any part of your body including the ability to breathe and swallow.
Dad surprised us all including Susan when he told the Doctor he did not want to be taken off the ventilator. He's made it clear he is not ready to give up the fight. At first we were all relieved. Now as we watch him suffer we can hardly bare to see him tortured like this. He has so much to say and no way to say it. He's hot, thirsty and hungry. He wants so badly to move and yet his body won't listen. He is getting more and more frustrated and you can just see the sadness in his eyes and yet again today he said he was not ready to give up the fight.
Sue and I sat with the Palliative Physician today as he asked us Dad's wishes. He explained the options and gave some recommendations. He then took us up to Dad's bedside and explained it all to Dad. He said tomorrow we would remove the ventilator and see if he could breathe on his own. If he wasn't able to breathe well enough on his own they would then put the ventilator back in and do a Tracheotomy. Once the ventilator is removed they will find out if his swallowing reflux is working. If he is able to swallow safely and he can breathe on his own then he would be home free. If not, they would have to put the ventilator back in and do a Tracheotomy. He was breathing mostly on his own this morning so this was favorable news. We felt very encouraged.
A couple of hours later the Pulmonary specialist came to see Dad. She declared after reading the days charts she was not comfortable removing the ventilator. She did not feel his lungs would support him and she did not see his lungs improving beyond this point. UGH! What devastating news! I could see the air come right out of him. It was awful! Once the Tracheotomy is done then they will do a trial breathing test without the help of the ventilator. We pray he will surprise us all. Please PRAY and FAST for dad that a miracle will occur! He will get his Tracheotomy first thing tomorrow morning.
I just wish the Doctors could be blunt and honest and then say, BUT miracles do happen. Not give false hope just don't close the door completely. Everyday he has made small progress. Today he moved his big toe on his left foot and tilted his head forward. Until he goes without any progress I think he should keep fighting.
It makes us wonder, is he fighting because he wants to or is he just doing it for us?
Please FAST & PRAY for dad until noon tomorrow!